Tag Archives: paris hilton

The Pop-Culture Guide to Swine flu

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The purpose of BV has always been to inform, and now the author feels called upon to clear up some misconceptions floating around about the swine flu epidemic. We’ll start with a brief “scene from a  paparazzi”:

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[exterior, Day. A celebutant stands on the sidewalk in Los Angeles] 

photographer: “[Paris!]You worried about the swine flu Paris? It’s killing a lot of people in Mexico”

 Hilton:       [extended pause] …  “I don’t eat that.”

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Some of you might be saying “well, Paris isn’t as dumb as she looks! This is a sign that we shouldn’t be eating pig!”  But you all may need to brush up on your Pulp Fiction: 

 

 

 

Besides, the swine flu, like all other flu varieties, is highly contagious but is spread primarily through contact with an infected individual. The CDC has a detailed brochure explaining the ins and outs of swine flu, including reasonable means of prevention and pharmaceutical options:  http://www.cdc.gov/swineflu/pdf/brochure.pdf

…and this brochure is very clear that provided you heat them to the requisite internal temperature of 160 degrees, your beloved chops and belly are always…

 

 

 So Paris, you can go back to eating pork… hell, you can go back to eating, because despite your misinformation, the author of BV is here to tell you that just as you will not catch the avian flu from eating chicken, you will not get the pig flu from eating pork. 

But regardless of it’s charm, if you go around licking an infected pig’s  snout, you’re on your own, kid.

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Filed under human behavior, Phobia-inducing, pink animal league, the strange and the beautiful, Uncategorized

Yeti Crab; merchandising goldmine?

a fuzzy mollusk?

fuzzy wuzzy was a... crustacean?

In 2006, a group of marine biologists announced that they had discovered a new species of deep-sea crab; the so-called “yeti crab,” named for the abominable snowman of the Himalayas, earned its nickname because it sports legs covered with long, yellow hairs. 

Other preliminary nomenclature for Kiwa hirsuta included “Paris Crab” and  “Trump Lobster” but these names were speedily discarded after telegrams from said celebrities’ legal representation. Apparently, the association of their clients’ names with crabs was not desirable.

So, you might ask…what use do the Crabs have for such silky locks if they are not looking to become America’s next favorite reality T.V. star? The team that discovered the crabs saw them waving their hairy claws back and forth over warm hydrothermal vents, which led to massive bacterial colonies in their hairy appendages. The team speculates that the crabs might be intenionally cultivating the bacteria as a food source. 

While scientists were quick to deliver this bit of scientific trivia to the aforementioned legal representation, the fact does not appear to have made the yeti crabs any more appealing a mascot.  

The hairclub for men, however, having experienced a drop-off in sales due to the recent economic downturn, has recently entered negotiation with the scientists involved in studying these crabs. Speculation amongst those “in the know” is that they plan to utilize the yeti crab much the same way as Geico (tm) has used the talking gecko.  In exchange for merchandising rights, the hairclub will provide funding for further scientific studies.

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Filed under exceedingly cute, marine life, the strange and the beautiful, Uncategorized