BV-worthy new exhibit

 

The California Academy of Sciences has long been beloved by the author of BV, figuring in her elementary school field trips, and, more recently, looming large in her consciousness as an example of stunning sustainable architecture. And a friend is employed there, I am proud to say, as a plant taxonomist– though, traitorous wench that she is, she will soon be abandoning us all to pursue a PhD in Chemistry on the east coast.

Pah. stupid PhD in chemistry. Stupid east coast.

In any case, If you would like to see an exact cast of Ida, the  Darwinius masillae that is a distant cousin of all of us today, you can do it at this exhibit. You can also learn about extreme adaptations (neat!) , reproduction (wink wink, nudge nudge) , and extinction (boo!).

Personally, the author of BV is excited to learn that the state fossil of California, Smilodon Fatalis, will be on display. She is also not a little bemused to discover that california *has* a state fossil.

which led the author on a rather amusing little digression into internet research-land, where she discovered the following:

California has the expected emblems, that is, a  state…

BIRD: California Valley Quail
ANIMAL: California Grizzly Bear
TREE: California Redwood

as well as a

 song
 seal
 motto
colors
nickname
flower
and flag (social studies history reports come flooding back to some of us) 

But is also has a state…

FOSSIL: Smilodon Fatalis (sabertooth tiger, see above)
INSECT: California dog-face Butterfly (well, it’s mother thinks it’s beautiful)
FISH: California Golden Trout
MARINE FISH: Garibaldi
MARINE MAMMAL: California Grey whale
REPTILE: the Desert Tortoise

not to mention:

 gemstone
Gold Rush ghost town
 Silver rush ghost town
grass
military museum
mineral
Fife and drum band (very cool)
Prehistoric artifact
rock
soil (SOIL!?!?! we have an official  SOIL. inconceivable)
tall ship
tartan
and theater.

And a poet laureate to write about all of ’em. (Which she doesn’t, at present. She seems to write a lot about love and death and architecture. But that’s a snap judgement)   

Seriously. Don’t believe me about the soil? look here. And expect a California series on BV in the near future.

sick of my rambling and want to read more about the exhibit? Read the articles from SFGATE and/or SFAppeal.

Dissertation Owls Asleep on the Job

Folkes, while the dissertation elves, tiny little owls that creep into grad students’ bedrooms to madly type pages whilst the tortured souls sleep, are on furlough,  I have been working furiously on my thesis. The result? A certain lack of Beastliness. And vocabularity.

This will be remedied shortly, just as soon as the Muse goes on strike again, as she (the fickle bitch) is wont to do.

– sj

You’d be Prickly, too

A rare Prickly shark ( Echinorhinus cookei) was recently “found” and displayed at the Monterey Bay Aquarium, quite the coup for the eager grad student type who “found” the shark.

The shark was  “collected” in an area where the Monterey Bay Aquarium Supported research, by the unnamed graduate student (sorry, chum), who was documenting  daily migrations of prickly sharks from the deep waters of the canyon to the shallows of the canyon head where the specimen in question was… “collected” and quickly put on display at the aquarium.  

But as of the writing of this post, the Prickly predator has been returned to the wild, because after a mere 15 hours in captivity, staff scientists at the Monterey Bay aquarium noticed that the shark “appeared too bouyant to swim easily.”

The scientists tagged the prickly (and, apparently, gassy) shark, normally seen only in very deep waters,  before releasing him in waters about 250 ft deep.  They watched him swim off, clearly headed back for the deeper waters of the pacific rim.

Reports have yet to be confirmed, but some witnesses swear that they saw the shark flipping those scientists the bird as he swam out into deeper waters.*  

 

*please note: the author of BV is in favor of any and all humane efforts to learn more about the life in our oceans, and understands that the scientists’ intentions were pure. Nevertheless, she empathizes with the shark, who was kidnapped, stuck in a  tank, made a mini-media spectacle, and sent home all in the span of a day. As the title suggests, after this kind of Wednesday, you’d probably be prickly, too.

Petaluma Bird Sanctuary Threatened

There is a new asphalt plant planned for a site along the Petaluma River.

GOOD NEWS, right!? Industry, new jobs in a  ravaged marketplace… But, in this case, the costs may be too high.  Because in this case, the proposed development is slated for a site right across from Schollenberger Park, which just happens, dear readers, to be one of the premier bird sanctuaries in North America.  And, you know, sits within spitting distance of a dozen or so parks and schools.   

So when a group of mothers heard that the council was all set to vote on the building permits and zoning changes, and learned about the toxic brew of noxious chemicals for which Asphalt companies are famous, they got a good whiff of something rotten in Denmark and promptly formed themselves into an advocacy group that they dubbed “Moms for Clean Air.”

In a typical gynocolocially inaccurate rhetorical ploy deigned to minimize the credibility of  unruly females, certain critics have called  the Moms “hysterical.” … You tell me, dear readers: Someone has threatened your kids– and your BIRDS, for goodness sake– and you don’t have good cause to be just a wee bit hysterical? Just a wee bit? Or might the emotion these critics are searching for be something closer to “righteous indignation?”

Hysterical, indeed.

In any case, the city and county apparently turned deaf ears on ths Moms’ complaints, so the mothers did what every parent who has been through PTA basic training knows to do. They went over the county’s head. 
At long last, these mobilized mothers  found an advocate in California Assemblyman Jared Huffman, a Democrat from Southern Sonoma who, according to a Chanel 5 report,  “organized the first comprehensive hearing on the issue, bringing together regulators from the EPA, Fish and Game, The Bay Area Air Quality Management District, and other agencies, most of which are just beginning to look at the project.”

The company that wants to the build the plant, The Dutra Group, says that “This is the right plan, and this is the right location.” Shockingly, the spokeswoman who delivered this little pearl of persuasive wisdom is named Dutra. What a coincidence.  

Isn’t it also the funniest coincidence that Dutra’s other asphalt plant has already been cited–multiple times– for environmental violations?

Need more?

In 2001, Marin County Grand Jury accused the company of illegally expanding operations.

In 2006, Dutra was fined $735,000 for dumping sludge near the Farallon Islands.

The Dutra family denies these incidents ever happened. Apparently, they have never heard of a little thing called “public record.”

So far,  only one council member (Zane) has been willing  to publicly announce  opposition  to the asphalt plant. The other four, stalwart souls all, are refusing comment.    But, s hould you have a comment, dear reader, and should you be of the same mind as the author of BV, you may follow the links to the Moms’ site, and tell them that they have your support. You may also follow this link to a PDF of their mission statement.

Go, Moms!

Happy Birthday to an Angry Old Canard!

 

Donald Duck is 75 today!

The angry old canard’s full name Donald Fauntleroy Duck, and his official birthady is recognized today to commemorate the release of his debut film, The Wise Little Hen… for which, true to the bad luck for which he is famous, he didn’t even get a screen credit.

He was recognized in 1942, however, when he recieved an Oscar for his appearence in the short film Der Fuehrer’s Face in which Donald plays a worker in an artillery factory in “Nutzi Land,” and who can ever forget such classics as “How to have an Accident at Work?”

You can, dear reader? well, shucks. here ya go:

let’s face it, If there is one star on teh walk of fame that the author of Bv can get a real kick out of… it’s the Duck’s.

Breaking News: Carnivorous Cushions Consume Cat

Apparently, dear readers, someone at the Huffington Post thinks that animal hijinks constitue breaking news… or at least, a worthwhile diversion from the ills of the breaking news…

The “Cute/ridiculous animal thing of the day” section is, of you enjoy the cute/creepy kitty videos portion of BV, right. up. your. alley. Thanks again to lowlyadjunct for this excellent find.

We (and by “we”, dear readers, I mean, of  course,  “I”) am sure that you will find the following video (which is, in the words of lowlyadjunct, “a video of a couch eating a cat and then spitting it back out again”) ample reason to check beneath your couch cushions. You never know what you might find under there…   

 

Banana Slug: “hard” life.

 

To paraphrase Brittney Spears, this banana slug is "not that innocent"

Beloved by alumni of UC Santa Cruz, banana slugs seem to have a pretty good thing going. Sure, they’re slow and eat detritus on the forest floor. But they’re beloved.

 …Just, you know, not by each other. In fact, as one intrepid UCSC PhD candidate put it, slugs

are constantly in an evolutionary arms race where males try to manipulate females into doing what they want them to do (for example, NOT mate with a new male) and females are constantly trying to prevent males from manipulating them.

 This is all a very messy—and uncomfortably familiar—business.  But if, dear readers, you are thinking you have caught the author in a gaffe, and that that banana slugs have developed an interesting solution to the battle of the sexes by evolving into hermaphrodites, problem solved, no muss no fuss… well then you are sadly mistaken. Because as you are by now perfectly aware, the end of the story is almost never the end of the story.

 And Banana slugs are not the nice, neat, nonexistent Barbie-genitalia sporting spontaneous generators we might like to imagine in our PG science textbooks. No, indeed. In fact, slugs are Simultaneous hermaphrodites, which means that they have both male and female primary sex characteristics. And boy, do they ever: an eight-inch slug can have an eight-inch long penis.  

Some of the male readers in the audience are doing some fast math and a little creative visualization in their mirrors, but don’t get overly excited, boys. Because even if the idea that the slugs mutually penetrate souds like a pretty good deal to you, you might be less excited to learn that sometimes a slug will also chew it’s mates member off after the deed is done.

 Chew it right on off. It’s called apophallation. And no, it doesn’t grow back.

The Pop-Culture Guide to Swine flu

 

The purpose of BV has always been to inform, and now the author feels called upon to clear up some misconceptions floating around about the swine flu epidemic. We’ll start with a brief “scene from a  paparazzi”:

******************************************************************************************************************************

[exterior, Day. A celebutant stands on the sidewalk in Los Angeles] 

photographer: “[Paris!]You worried about the swine flu Paris? It’s killing a lot of people in Mexico”

 Hilton:       [extended pause] …  “I don’t eat that.”

 *****************************************************************************************************************************

 

Some of you might be saying “well, Paris isn’t as dumb as she looks! This is a sign that we shouldn’t be eating pig!”  But you all may need to brush up on your Pulp Fiction: 

 

 

 

Besides, the swine flu, like all other flu varieties, is highly contagious but is spread primarily through contact with an infected individual. The CDC has a detailed brochure explaining the ins and outs of swine flu, including reasonable means of prevention and pharmaceutical options:  http://www.cdc.gov/swineflu/pdf/brochure.pdf

…and this brochure is very clear that provided you heat them to the requisite internal temperature of 160 degrees, your beloved chops and belly are always…

 

 

 So Paris, you can go back to eating pork… hell, you can go back to eating, because despite your misinformation, the author of BV is here to tell you that just as you will not catch the avian flu from eating chicken, you will not get the pig flu from eating pork. 

But regardless of it’s charm, if you go around licking an infected pig’s  snout, you’re on your own, kid.

Cat of a thousand faces: mad genius (and a quiz!!!)

Yes, folkes, its another “cute” and/or “crazy” cat video posts. In this installment, in order to spice up a potentially stale theme, prizes will be distributed to the first reaedr who can correctly identify both the song playing and each of the disguises, in order of appearance. “Yo mama” will not be accepted as an answer.

AMAZING Dolphin behavior

It is rare that the author of BV allows something to go (almost) entirely without commentary. This video, however, needs no snark; it is amazing, and stands easily on its own. A big thanks goes out to AVB for bringing this video to my attention: Thanks, Amy.

 

Homo sapiens sapiens; a brief shining moment of joy

Today’s post is about the human animal. In light of recent events, notably the shootings in Oakland, Pittsburgh (CA) and Binghamton (NY), which has precipitated in the author a sudden need for something like faith, B.V would like to submit the following, in the words of Rabindrinath Tagore:

“Men are cruel, but Man is kind”…

…and, very occasionally, capable of surprising moments of peaceable outpourings of pure exhuberance and joy.

Lobster

 

"He's her Lobster!!!"

 

I’d like to take a break from my organized, logical pursuit of truth in the animal kingdom to talk about something decidedly disorganized and illogical: Marriage. There can be no more appropriate object for today’s topic than Lobsters, which comprise family Nephropidae, sometimes also Homaridae, and are indisputably the most devoted lovers amongst marine crustaceans; “It’s a known fact that lobsters fall in love and mate for life…You can actually see old lobster couples [walking] around their tank… holding claws.” Today is a day for celebrating  two lobsters who have decided to make it official:

to EW and PP, whom I love like family, felicitations on finding, keeping, and cherishing your lobster. I have no doubt that I will see you when you are old and spiny, still holding claws as you walk around your tank.

Much Love,

~sj

 

Cf. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyvRjF0NBeM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQQ8kXfn9Iw&feature=related

Purse Dogs

A prime specimen of purse dog.

The purse dog is not a species unto itself; rather, it represents a human intervention in animal behavior. Purse dogs have rapidly adapted to their owners’ whims: many have developed hermit crab-like behaviors, and emerge from their shells only when they outgrow them, or to find a new portable home, or one with more “bling.”  Purse dogs are disproportionately popular amongst girls with names that end in “Y.”

Those unfamiliar with purse dogs can often be heard wondering whether the tiny dogs’  tiny legs atrophy from lack of use, and where the tiny dogs evacuate their tiny bladders. Indeed, the purse’s interior must be exceptionally piquant after long trips to the mall, where purse dogs can often be found.

Pursedogs are not entirely a laughing matter, however; these dogs are often raised in puppy mills, by breeders that prize tiny-ness over health. These dogs often have difficulties in gestation and delivery, and “oversize” dogs are cast aside, left to live in substandard conditions. Those interested in protesting the abhorrent practices of puppymill breeders can find links to specialized advocacy groups  and information on how others have staged protests, below.

http://www.puppymillprotest.org/
http://www.prisonersofgreed.org/actions.html
http://www.ehow.com/how_2150779_organiz
e-puppy-mill-pet-store-protest.html
http://www.youtube.com/ProtestPuppyMills

Gym Rats

A gym rat is caught in the act of carbo-loading.

Gym rats (rattus gymasium), are a new species in the zoological world; some scientists have quibbled with the designation of gym rats as a new species, arguing that they do not in fact demonstrate the fundamental, inherent physiognomic differences neccesary to make a special distinction. Others, however, argue that the gym rat can be differentiated from the rest of genus Rattus on the basis of its habitat and behaviors. For instance,  notoriously picky eaters, gym rats tend to prefer a protien-rich diet, making them more carnivorous than many other rats, who tend towards indiscriminate omnivorism.  In terms of social behavior, gym rats are social animals: gym rats tend to gather in common areas, weherin they perform their daily routines with an eye for the performance of rats around them.  Highly competitive creatures,  submissive gym rats have been known to modify their appearances and behavior to conform to the patterns preferred by the dominant rats within their territories, resorting at times to self-mutilation to achieve their desired results. Little is known about the home lives of these creatures, for scientests are still puzzling over their public behaviors.

Oddly, while animal-rights advocates have long been vehemently opposed to animal testing on genus rattus, they seem unfazed by the pharmaceutical industry’s long-term clandestine relationship with gym rats. On the other hand, there are those amongst us that share territories with gym rats, who have taken up the name as a  joke, and still others who have adopted the name as a rebellion against what they feel is a perjorative term, meant to discrimiante against those who can bench-press their own bodyweight, and enjoy the aesthetic effect of floor-to ceiling mirrors. To date, however, the gym rats themselves have been too occupied with their own reflections to organize in protest.

  

 

Sea turtles (superfamily Chelonioidea)

A near cousin to the well-known cartoon heroes, the adolescent albino kung-fu seaturtle is on a conservation mission

 

Unfortunately, all species of sea turtles are considered either endangered or threatened. Leatherback, hawksbill, and kemp’s ridley turtles are  critically endangered, and only the loggerhead is given the least severe designation of “threatened species.”  Sea turtles (and their eggs) are hunted for food and for trophies, and are sensitive to pollutions and to habitat encroachment by humans.

 What these turtles need is a hero, a silent avenger borne on gulf streams and warm currents around the globe, directed by the sea turtles’ lauded sensitivity to earth’s magnetic field. They need an adolescent albino kung-fu seaturtle. But the adolecent albino kung-fu seaturtle cannot do it alone. He needs our help. There are numerous opportunities to join and aid in conservation efforts: links to the websites of some prominent conservation groups are listed below.

 

http://seaturtlestatus.org/act

http://www.costaricaturtles.org/

http://www.seaturtle.org/

Cf.  http://seaturtlestatus.org/
       http://www.panda.org/what_we_do/knowledge_centres/marine/publications/
       http://www.islandpacket.com/front/story/776295.html
       http://www.wildcoast-usa.com/